i hate my life at home its not home anymore by elizabeth layfield

I hate living here in my house. I can't stand the fighting anymore, my mom's taking away my computer and I didn't do anything! Somebody stole 260 $ from us and my mother said to me," Go ahead, right there's my purse go ahead and take the money." She thinks I stole the fuckin' money! Im tired of being here, so many times I have tried to kill myseld with sleeping pills and they would never work. My boyfriend, Chris, means the world to me and I don't know what I'd do without him. He is the person keeping me from trying different ways to kill myself. He is my saver and I love him with all my heart and soul. Years ago when I wrecked my bike and was rolling down a very steep hill with hit, when I finally stopped I looked up because I saw a little boy there. I asked him what he wanted and he just smiled at me and looked at all my scratches but not once did he even lay his hand on me. He looked only a little older than me but he didn't look real. I couldn't believe my eyes when he gave me one last smile and just disappeared out of nowhere. When I got home my legs and arms were all scratched up. The next morning I woke up and there was not even one scratch! This has stuck with me ever since that wreck. But everytime I should've died something would alwasy stop me from dying. Like it was healing me from the inside. Now I realize that the little boy I saw when I wrecked must have been Chris. I know half of you will think im nuts and they need to put me into a mental hospital but sometimes I have dreams about people I don't know and then those people I have actually have met after having those dreams. And I think Chris has been there with me even before I met him, trying to save me. He might not have been there personally but I think that that little boy I saw was Chris. I don't know why or how I just know it was him. And Chris is keeping me from dying again and I just hope that I'll be able to get away from this house and go somewhere that will help me getaway from these people. They're not hurting me like cutting smacking or anything hand to hand but they're hurting me mentally. They put me down so much and I get so depressed. I feel like I'm one of those people who kills themselves because of bullying but they are being bullied by people at school not by there own family and who knows maybe I am one of those people. I guess I'm not as strong as all my friends thought. Sure I'm strong physically but not mentally I'm losing hope of living. I don't want to die but I don't want to be here in this place anymore. I need a break from my family members and I need to go somewhere that'll make me happy.



Will you be able to save me again Chris? I don't know if you can but I'm working hard to save myself.And I will always love you.